I Give Up!

As I was kayaking across Lake Tahoe’s northern shores last week, mesmerized by the intense cobalt blue waters so clear you can see all the way to the bottom—I had an epiphany. I was not entirely happy, and I knew why: I was holding onto a lot of other people’s stuff, and it was sucking the life out of me!

As I glided along across the miles of glassy water towards a gorgeous rocky point, I noticed some extra pounds of heaviness—added weight in my heart that did not fit my style in that moment. I knew I had to let go of something in order to return to my own peaceful center.

Being so connected to energy means I get to feel all kinds of energy: the intense vibes of this blessed beautiful earth, my own joy of being able to be a part of it, my own longings for self-actualization, and unfortunately, other people’s burdens as well.

I can unload all my own stuff almost as fast as it attaches to me. Through forgiveness, I simply offer my burdens to my Savior, and knowing His great love for me, I feel the instant relief of such a handoff—an energy exchange—my burdens for His loving spirit, which returns me to my own natural state of love.

But when others—people I love—carry burdens they cannot seem to release so easily, I hurt for and with them. I feel their sorrows, and almost without realizing it, I find I am holding those issues within myself, as if sending them through my own heart, and my own stores of information for possible ways to help—my own hard-drive—I might find the perfect solution for healing—which kind of sounds like I am taking on the role the Savior offers. By such a choice, I am actually choosing to play the God-role for them—as if they can’t find Him on their own?

Since I was unaware last week of my many choices to act as this great garbage dump for my loved ones stuff, I found myself in that state of heaviness quite by surprise. Actually, as I was gliding across that amazing expanse of Mother Earth’s waters, I decided it was not good for me at all to carry other people’s stuff. I did not have either the insight or the responsibility to fix anything for anybody other than myself. My love for others is simply a reminder: to remember to guide them to the real dumping ground—the grace of God. And if He wants my help in any other ways, He will let me know.

I heard it said recently: “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” When I heard that, I laughed until I couldn’t—such simple but truthful wisdom: the only person I am responsible for is me. The right to have choice as my lifetime companion was given for me to use for my own path—according to the lessons I am here to learn, and the direction I envision and desire to create for myself.

So somewhere into about the second mile of my kayaking excursion, I spontaneously started saying outloud: I give up! I continued over and over, adding words that connected my spirit to others and all their stuff that I held within me, erroneously thinking that by so doing, I could somehow make a difference—that I could fix it. I repeated I give up over and over, saying everything on my mind, until I couldn’t think of anything more to let go of.

As I said the words “I give up (+ stating the individual concerns one by one)”, all the energy of those issues floated right out of me and into the presence of the love of God—smiling at me as I did so—loving my path towards this epiphany. God knows me perfectly and individually, loves me unconditionally, and gives me all the time in the world to learn my lessons. And when I say I give up . . . , I really am giving all to Him, which is the literal experience of forgiveness.

I gave up everything I was carrying—specifically saying exactly what I believed were each of their individual concerns. I gave up every burden in my own life too, leaving me to enjoy my kayak, my piece of the lake, my joy for that peaceful glorious morning, and my peace at just being me!

I actually like myself a lot, and being with me in one of my favorite connections—water and woods—I could return again to an intense peacefulness, the true state of joy which comes when we are connected to ourselves, one with all that means. Happiness comes when we are being ourselves, true to our own destiny.

Much as we are told to be there for others, I have to remember to keep my focus on what is within my power to change—only myself—and give all others and their stuff to God, which I believe was the grand design from the beginning of time. The atonement of Christ was designed to create a literal vortex of energy where all sorrow has already been endured, creating a vacuum for collecting everything that is not consistent with the state of love that is our truthful being. Giving up all that is not mine to hold, I allow that heavy stuff to go where it belongs, and then I find the real me—wholeness with love.

Joy only comes when I am experiencing my own creative path, accepting what I know is mine to claim and be. Honoring the spirit within, birthing my own creations—one moment at a time—day after day for a lifetime, my creations will birth me—and what a beautiful baby that is for everyone of us!